Before & After
Read actual accounts from those who have done the inner work to transform their self-talk, not just their bodies – this is the key to permanent weight loss. Clients start by writing a letter to themselves that captures their weight loss struggle to date (their names have been changed to protect their privacy but all other information is actual). They continue with snapshots of their personal growth experiences and their developing Soul connection during the process. Their journeys are both astounding and inspiring!
“Taylor” Age 52, Registered Nurse, Married, 2 Adult Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
It seems like you have been struggling with your weight ever since you had your children. You have been promising yourself that tomorrow would be the day when you would start behaving yourself with food. No matter how many promises you make to yourself, you do not change. You continue to overeat and abuse food. While you have the apparent knowledge to determine what to eat, or when to eat, and how much to eat, you disregard this knowledge and instead choose self-gratification and eat whenever you want with no regard for the consequences. When the guilty feelings come after breaking another promise, or after overeating, you say it will be the last time. When will be the last time?
The issues with food were there long before the weight began to accumulate and I know that you acknowledge this. Having been a hungry child, both for food and for love, you have compensated for this lack throughout your adult life. It seems that at some point, you should stop blaming your hungry inner child and become a more responsible adult.
The simple shifts and incremental changes I’ve experienced are…
I now use food to nourish and fuel my body. I have learned the feeling of quietude. I eat to achieve the 3/4 full level of satiety. I am living an active life and am walking daily. I seek out opportunity for activity. I have expanded my “acceptable timelines” to do things during the day, to include many more hours. I have reawakened old interests such as reading, library trips and taking classes at the gym. I feel energized most days. I have become aware of my inner voice. I recognize the value of receiving a compliment. I am keeping promises to myself. I am engaging with more people in my life.
This is Soul talking…
I have seen a lot of change in you. You have awakened after years of stumbling around half asleep, on automatic pilot. You are aware of your internal self and have come to value this. You are finding your way back to the old you (aka. the younger you when you felt more joy and happiness and found pleasure in small things).
You are working hard at testing the boundaries of what you thought was true, and finding out that many things you thought were true and set in stone, are actually not that way. You are seeing things from a new perspective. This has allowed you to become more active and more engaged in your life and with those who surround you. You are content and happier than before. You are looking forward to the future and thinking of things to do and adventures to have.
The big insights and significant choices I’ve experienced are…
I am responsible for evolving my relationship to a higher level as I have more awareness at this time. This is hard to handle. And difficult to believe that it is true. But I see the validity in this statement and I am putting this into practice. I think that I am mature, and therefore must continue to evolve toward this maturity beyond ego. Unconditional love sounds simple but to forgive freely and love this way, with no ego, is more difficult than it sounds. I have embraced and witnessed and put this into action, understanding the differences in core values that are seen in conflict.
This is Soul talking…
You have experienced empathy toward your husband when in conflict, and by doing this it has enabled conflict resolution. While you have fallen from grace (withholding going to visit his mom), you have recognized this behaviour as counterproductive and the next opportunity to act with grace, you succeeded. You have the capacity and the willingness to embrace unconditional love and to forgive freely.
“Melinda” Age 52, Event Planner, Married, No Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
It has fluctuated with stress throughout your life: divorce; traveling constantly for work; losing your job; and dealing with your mother’s and father’s issues. You do really well during the day but by the end of the day the stress has piled up and you don’t have the energy to think about what your body really needs. Sometimes even during the day you eat fast and don’t let your tummy regulate how much food you need and you have more than your portion.
You’ve done extremely well in regular strength training for the past year and a half and I can see the results. Although exercise is only supposed to be about 20% of the equation to losing weight, I think for you it’s more than that. I think exercise helps your discipline, stress and makes you more aware of what you eat and it seems to peel off the fat quicker. You’ve been strong enough to overcome your weight gain at least a couple of times in the last 20 years and you can do it again and stay healthy for the rest of your life.
You envision yourself running a successful company of your own, developing new environmentally and people friendly products free of toxins. Food and money are similar in the sense that your total intake for the day of food is like a bank account, you have a certain number of calories a day your body needs. You only need a certain amount of money every day so why would you spend any more? Why would you eat more than you need?
The simple shifts and incremental changes I’ve experienced are…
When I started this program I was desperate and frustrated. The amount of time and effort I put into losing weight the past couple of years was a part time job. The judgment when I weighed myself every day caused turmoil and disappointment. I was also drowning in other people’s drama.
Today I am happy, relaxed and learning to be more aware of my choices. There are endless possibilities, especially when disguised as a problem. No matter what criteria I set for myself I know that even a small percentage of achievement counts as an “I did it”. I do not need a diet or a scale. I am growing my self-integrity to keep promises to myself. I am learning to identify fear and resistance. Being aware of my choices, taking better care of myself and listening to my soul’s kind voice is key to achieving whatever I want. I can make different choices.
This is Soul talking…
You are everything you admire in those people and nature around you. Don’t complicate it. Your natural instincts and abilities will get you there. It is beneficial for you to take time for yourself and to quiet your mind. You are stronger and more insightful than you think. There is nothing to fear. Live your life, be happy and have fun. Embrace the obstacles.
The big insights and significant choices I’ve experienced are…
Now I am in a place where I realize all obstacles are here for me to learn and grow, nothing more. They are not to be ignored or thought of as anything more than an opportunity to grow and move forward. I have many goals and things to accomplish but they will come in the right time and place. Even under stress, I realize that there’s a purpose for whatever uncomfortable situation I may be in at the moment.
I have come far in mind and body, so far that I barely remember the beginning of this journey. I have worked hard and spent time on myself, something I had not done before. I am reminded regularly that I was a naysayer, the negative one. Today, I have become a more positive and happy person. I have lost weight and feel better about it taking time. I’m not in a rush if that’s what it takes. I believe in me instead of always looking in a diet or self-help book to find the “key”. I am the key. I make the choices. Everything I do is a choice.
This is Soul talking…
It’s not really a struggle about weight, it’s a struggle with yourself. The stress of the diet or obsessing about getting exercise is no longer there. It’s no longer your main focus and it feels good to let go of that and let that area be filled with other things. You know there is a special place in time, a certain flow that is very close that will take you to your next weight loss goal. It can’t be forced or controlled or managed.
It is most important for you to practice self-care, exercise and other things you enjoy, like gardening, because you want to remember life is to be enjoyed. It’s not something you struggle through, this is it. Time means nothing – it will take as long as it takes. You deserve everything life has and is about to give you. Be always grateful, especially for the challenges and the happy days and moments.
“Erika” Age 28, Education Manager, Single, No Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
Since sophomore year of high school you have never been able to stop being aware of food and exercise and how they affect your body. That year, you started to understand that there is more to food than just healthy food and junk food. You learned that every food has a different number of calories and more calories consumed leads to weight gain. You started becoming obsessed with learning about foods, their calorie content and their nutritional value.
Around this time, exercise became more than just moving your body and feeling alive. It became a way to burn calories and prevent weight gain. You had always wanted a gym membership – remembering Mom going to aerobics class on weekday evenings, all dressed up in her workout gear. When you were 16, you were finally old enough to obtain a gym membership of your own, which you got as a Christmas gift. You went to the gym regularly. You loved it, especially at first. But soon there was mounting pressure to go all the time. You had to go or else you would gain weight and lose everything you had worked for.
You did so much research and learned so much, and it felt like you were discovering a whole new world you never knew existed. You were both excited and terrified by the idea that you could control your diet, your weight, your body and your health. But all the research and new awareness of food and exercise started feeling more like an obligation. You knew that eating healthy foods and exercising were important for staying healthy and looking your best. How could you eat unhealthy foods or skip workouts knowing this? Eating unhealthy foods, or eating too much and not exercising, now felt like you were making an intentional choice to not be healthy. You worried that if you got a disease one day or became overweight, it would be all your fault because maybe you could have prevented that from happening.
The summer before junior year, you were so thin that your parents were worried about you. Mom cried when she tried to talk to you about your weight loss. You were now so fixated on your weight, you refused to eat anything remotely “unhealthy.” You even got upset when family members ate dessert. Your parents took you to see a counselor who told you that you were anorexic. She recommended you see a dietician who tried one day to force you to eat cookies. You adamantly refused to eat them and refused to see her after that. You eventually starting seeing a different counselor and a different dietician. These people were more helpful.
You now recognized that you had a problem and wanted to fix it. You started eating more and trying to gain the weight back. Sometimes you ate a lot in one sitting, until you were uncomfortably full. You now felt ashamed of how much weight you’d lost and wanted to look “normal” again. Eating binges seemed like a fast track to get there. But before long you gained all the weight back that you’d lost and then some. You continued gaining weight until you reached a peak freshman year of college. You were overweight.
From the time you started binge eating until today, you have hated the way you feel after binge eating. You feel so disgusting, embarrassed, ashamed, and deceitful. You feel so regretful of your behavior but so powerless to stop it. Your eating and exercise habits cycle – eating well and exercising regularly, to eating poorly and/or not exercising, to binge eating to the point of disgust. You feel trapped in the cycle and want to break free of it. It has been so exhausting. You have been able to maintain your weight for the past five years or so, but it has always fluctuated 10-20 pounds depending on where you are in the cycle. You worry that people notice that. You certainly notice it. In all this time, you rarely come close to feeling the way you’d like to feel about your body. You want to feel good about your body – healthy and confident and in control. You believe that is possible. You haven’t found out how yet, but you pray you will.
The big insights and significant choices I’ve experienced are…
Ego & Soul:
One of the most significant gains I’ve made is becoming aware of Ego and Soul and the characteristics of each. Previously, I thought that I was hearing many different voices in my head. I believed that each voice represented a fragment of me and that I needed to take direction from all of them. Their messages often conflicted with one another, which made it difficult to make decisions. I now understand that my thoughts originate not from many voices but from simply Ego or Soul. Thoughts that come from Ego may be observed or examined with curiosity, or they can simply be dismissed. Thoughts that come from Soul, on the other hand, deserve reverent attention because Soul is connected to who I am at my core. Listening to thoughts that come from Soul can help me to realign with my deepest needs, values and desires.
Ego exists to keep me safe, small and protected. It keeps me from advancing toward any behavior that could produce pain. At first, that may seem beneficial. But trapped inside of Ego’s cage, I feel cramped, limited and unfulfilled. Because Ego won’t allow me to stretch beyond the confines of its cage, it is nearly impossible to learn, grow into my authentic self and fully experience life. Ego manipulates me by tapping into my fears and insecurities. It creates a lot of chatter in my mind that generates anxiety and depletes my energy. Soul, on the other hand, is the beautiful, pure source of clarity, peace and wisdom that resides within me. Soul is a compassionate witness to my life. She does not judge; she simply observes. Soul provides guidance from a place of infinite and unconditional love. She speaks to me gently and quietly, and when I am guided by her, I feel like my truest self; my energy is calm.
Now that I better understand these two forces within me, I am better able to discern which force is influencing my thoughts. When I am operating out of fear, I recognize that Ego has gained control. When I am operating out of love and trust, I know that Soul is guiding me.
Control vs. Choice:
Another major shift in my thinking has been moving from the control paradigm to the choice paradigm. In the past, I have relentlessly, and unsuccessfully, attempted to control my way to desired outcomes such as: ending binge behaviors; developing a healthy relationship with food; maintaining a healthy weight; and improving my self-esteem. The black and white thinking I operated from (I was either in “control mode” or “chaos mode”) was keeping me in an endless cycle of restriction and bingeing, exerting control and then rebelling against it.
When I started to practice abstaining from judgment and simply noticing my thoughts and behaviors around eating, I was able to move into the choice paradigm. Instead of the exhausting and nauseating ride on the pendulum back and forth between control and chaos, I was able to experience what it feels like to make conscious choices based on how I want to feel. In exploring this new territory of the choice paradigm, I noticed that I wasn’t quite sure how to be with choice. At first, I thought ‘Now that I’m not judging myself, why not eat everything in sight? Why not eat all my favorite foods, guilt-free?’ So that’s exactly what I did. And what I was able to notice is that doing so often drained me of energy and made doing the things I enjoy more difficult. It blurred my thinking and diminished my motivation to do much of anything besides exist in a vegetative state until the haze wore off or I was forced out of it.
Congruency & Incongruency:
I learned that bingeing, among other self-destructive behaviors, makes me feel poorly not only for physiological reasons, but also because it is a choice that propels me toward incongruency. Bingeing does not bring me closer to my bigger life vision, and therefore, it is not an act of integrity. I used to think that bingeing was evil, and that a demon inside of me was forcing me to cave in to my urge to eat everything in sight. Now I understand that bingeing is simply a coping mechanism that developed in the past when I was struggling to be with my reality.
Although bingeing no longer serves me, the addictive wiring that has formed around it continues to lead me to the behavior when I encounter a situation that feels uncomfortable. Now I know that when I am in an incongruent state, I simply need to make a small choice that will break the cycle and push me back toward congruency to turn things around. So after a binge session, instead of dwelling in negative feelings, I can choose to carry on with my life or engage in a restorative activity to move back toward congruency.
Harm Reduction & Dialing Down:
As I’ve moved away from black and white thinking around eating, I’ve started to focus more on harm reduction and dialing down destructive thoughts and behaviors rather than trying to eliminate or abstain from them. Ego continues to cling to the destructive behaviors that keep me safe, small and protected. Therefore, Ego feels less threatened by the idea of reducing these behaviors rather than doing away with them all together. Meanwhile, as I tune into Soul more, I am creating a greater capacity for self-compassion, unconditional love and inner strength. This will support me in shedding those behaviors that no longer serve me and replacing them with ones that bring me closer to my bigger life vision.
Self-Compassion & Unconditional Love:
When I first started this process, I wanted results right away. I just wanted to find out what the secret formula was so that I could promptly execute it and finally start living the life I was meant to live. I wanted instant happiness. When I was told that I needed to drop any sense of urgency and short term deadlines, I felt confused and even a little panicky. Over time, I have learned to lean into the process and to trust it. I now see that I am on a journey and actually have been all along. This is a journey of learning and understanding, growing and evolving, healing and love – and no part of it can be rushed.
The path I am traveling on is leading me to discover, embrace and ultimately align with my most authentic self. Making mistakes along the way is part of the experience. In the past, I would suffer through my mistakes. I would beat myself up and then enforce strict rules, believing that my true nature could not be trusted. I now realize that when I can love myself through a mistake, I am better able to find the learning in it.
Staying Present:
One major breakthrough for me has been learning that bingeing is a way for me to disconnect with my reality. Whether I want to numb my emotions or run away from my current circumstances, bingeing has enabled me to escape. Bingeing is a response to uncomfortable feelings, and I now see that in order to truly comfort myself, I need to respond to my feelings in ways that are healing and loving.
I am starting to learn how to allow my emotions to pass through me, to be with them as they come and go. I have started incorporating behaviors that break the bingeing pattern and provide restorative energy. For example, I have redefined my relationship with exercise, now seeing it not as an obligation but as a way to lovingly honor Soul. I have made exercise more accessible by lowering my expectations around it. I have focused more on frequency rather than intensity, and I’ve begun successfully incorporating exercise daily.
Power:
I have continually observed that when bingeing is dialed down, I have more headspace to focus on other aspects of my life. This extra headspace has allowed me to examine how my beliefs around love, pain and self-worth are showing up in work and in my relationships. I have started to dismantle some of the beliefs I have around power. In the past, I have felt powerless to exert power with other people. I have avoided decision-making, people-pleased, and failed to establish and uphold boundaries. In an effort to be loved and accepted by others, I have neglected the most important relationship of all – the one with myself. I have started taking steps towards establishing boundaries with my mom, and I have tried taking back my power through micro choices, such as being more decisive and speaking up when I have the urge to say something.
The words “own your life” have inspired me to trust my inner wisdom in making decisions and to not question those decisions once they’ve been made. I am very proud of the ground I’ve covered these past several months. The new language I’ve learned to help me describe and understand my thoughts and behaviors has helped me immensely. By hearing the stories of others who have had similar experiences to me, I no longer feel so alone in my struggle. My feelings of self-hatred have diminished. I’m beginning to see how my binge eating could actually be a blessing, as it has led me to desire a deeper, more accepting, forgiving and loving relationship with myself.
This is Soul talking…
You are a beautiful young woman, inside and out. You have always been observant and deep. You see beauty in nature and in others, and it moves you: your father’s twinkling eyes when he’s telling a joke; your mother’s gentle hands; a bursting sun that dims as it sets over the water; the quiet of a forest on a snowy winter morning; kindness from a stranger; a child’s laughter; a song that touches a truth so deeply it evokes tears. In these moments, you feel so connected to the world, to me, and to God. These moments are a glimpse of the divine; you savor them and they fill your heart with joy.
You realize now that the divine beauty you see around you also exists within you. It is a source of unconditional love and infinite light. It will always remain strong and pure. It can never be dimmed, tarnished, damaged or destroyed. This is where I live and I will never leave you. As you continue on your journey to discovering and becoming your most authentic self, trust that the beauty inside of you will always be accessible to you. Trust in me. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and forgive others for how they may have hurt you. Believe that the universe will work in your favor. Claim your spot in it; you deserve to be here. Face each day with an open, courageous heart. When you feel afraid, find love. Let your inner beauty be seen by the world. All you need to do is be you.
“Becca” Age 46, School Teacher, Married, 2 Teenage Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
I know it has been a terrible struggle off and on during your teens, at university and then after having kids you have really ballooned out. I feel sorry for you. I would not wish being obese on anyone. Of course, you make all the wrong choices. You say you want to be a great mom and be an example of healthy living for your kids but you eat very poorly. They see you working out all the time and they see healthy dinners but they miss all the food that you hide: cartons of ice cream; cookies; and my God the amount of chocolate you eat dipped in peanut butter is incredible. Your blood must be brown due to the chocolate you eat. The kids are old enough to know that with all the working out you do you should not be as obese as you are. They are smart. You talk about what it takes to be healthy but they know you are lying. They need to be able to trust you as they head into the teenage years or your relationships with them will fail.
You are not a victim of abuse or a terrible husband or bad kids or a poor household or no job. You have everything that you need in life so why do you make yourself into a victim? ‘Poor me’ you think all the time, and want to treat yourself with sugar. Every time you goof up and overeat, or eat garbage, you hate yourself. It is obvious that you are weak and pathetic. You are fat and repulsive. You are embarrassed to be seen by your friends and all the trainers at the club. You did so well, then you ate yourself fat and sick. How stupid could you be? You have spent so much money on weight loss but nothing works for you. It must be because you don’t want to be slimmer and healthy. If you did you would not sabotage yourself all the time.
It’s like watching a train wreck. Even though it is horrible you can’t help but look. You must be so screwed up in your head. Any normal person would not do this to their body or their health or their children. Don’t you want to look lean and strong, in the summer especially, but all the time? You have great muscles but they are all under an enormous layer of fat and no one can see them. No one can see how hard you work in the gym. So literally, all they see is a “fat fuck” (excuse my language). I need that harsh word so that you would see how painful it is to look at you.
Why can’t you just eat regular portions and healthy food? Every time you “indulge” in sweets you feel so bad about yourself. Why do you want to be so unhappy all the time? I feel like screaming at you. How can you make the same mistake over hundreds of times? You must be so dumb! Everything you are is just a mess. Just a big ball of stupid messiness. It’s pathetic. I can’t even talk to you anymore, you make me sick.
The simple shifts and incremental changes I’ve experienced are…
I have made a great deal of progress in a short amount of time. I have begun to feel that I was born deserving and that I am a person worthy of love and self-care. I have managed to subdue a great deal of the negative self-talk that was constantly harassing me every moment of every day. When I am in alignment, I have much more positive self-talk in my head. I am treating myself like I would treat a friend. I use words of kindness, warmth and gentleness. My soul’s voice is present frequently. My head is much less occupied with busy chatter.
I frequently make intentions for myself for the next day. This gives me focus and allows me to be less vulnerable to boredom and inactivity. I make an effort to get active early in the day so that I suffer from less resistance. I am improving my self-integrity. I know now I need to honor my own needs, before others, in order to be there for others. I know that progress is my goal, not perfection – that any step forward is to be acknowledged and appreciated, and I will not place further demands on myself in that moment.
I am engaging in the present moment instead of the past or future. I will not paint myself with past experiences. Every day is a new day to live. I am making efforts to live in harmony with the events that unfold. I am finding the choices I make more effortless as time passes. I have experienced flow. The day is not wrought with decisions; I just move from one activity to another, including my meals, and do not stop to second guess or judge myself. I feel strong, worthy and comfortable.
This is Soul talking…
You have truly impressed me. It is astounding to see how much progress you have made. A chocolate bar sat beside you, while you enjoyed a bath for an hour. That is amazing! You are strong, confident and sexy. You are worthy of love, attention, self-care and generosity. You are a wonderful woman. You are a phenomenal mom, a great wife, a loving daughter and a fun friend. You deserve to be treated very well. You need to understand that you are beautiful right now, not when you lose X amount of weight. You have a great face and a wonderful smile. Your confidence is very alluring.
You can take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and still have enough time and love to take care of everyone else. You are more full of energy and are happy to complete tasks all day long with breaks for self-care. You start off by moving in the morning in order to keep resistance at bay. You start tasks even if you do not have time to finish them because you know that it is still a step forward and you are content with that, rather than putting further demands on yourself. You are more capable of keeping the promises you have made to yourself. This is giving you confidence and self-worth. You have always had integrity with other people and it is great to see you developing self-integrity. You must be shocked to see how freeing it is to not be thinking about food. You can put all that resistant energy into more useful and fulfilling activities. You should be immensely proud of yourself!
There has been a great deal of evidence that I am a work in progress, meaning that I am making changes to my behaviours around everything:
- When I look in the mirror I see a pretty face looking back at me
- I wear clothes that fit me more closely to show off the body I have now, and I am rarely self conscious when I do so
- I am looking at myself in the mirror
- I no longer turn away when I look at my body in the mirror
- I choose when to have indulgences
- I do not dwell on my indulgences or run on with negative self-talk
- I see people more positively
- I compliment friends and/or strangers several times a day
- I am choosing to walk the talk and be a role model for my kids
- I feel good about myself
- I can recognize that certain foods, even though they looked tasty, are not worth it
- I look forward to the start of a day
- I am sleeping better than I have in the past
- I am interested in a sexual relationship with my hubby again
- My libido has increased greatly
- I am less judgmental of my kids or hubby
- I feel sexy
- I choose to treat myself equal to the others in my house more often, through micro choices
- I am choosing to buy myself new sexy undergarments because it makes me feel good about myself
- I am choosing to work out more often and more completely
- I notice that some men find me attractive and it’s very flattering
- I want to be noticed by people
- I accept compliments instead of deflecting them
- I know that weight loss is inevitable
- I see my future self and know that I will be her some day
- I know that I am creative and am destined to be great
- I know I have talents to share
- I know that I am attractive
You are amazing. I am speechless. I am so impressed with the changes you have made in your life. You are beautiful, confident, warm, loving, generous, healthier, active, strong, kind, charming, funny, sexy, alluring, noticeable and so much more. You have transformed the way that you see yourself and think about yourself. You know you are deserving and that you are just as important as everyone else. You know that you were meant for so much more than your life of the past. I love your new look, wearing clothes that fit much better, and the fact that you are proud of the body you have now.
You are experiencing true happiness and on the verge of joy. I am pleased that you can see how important you are to the people in your life and that you have so much to offer even strangers. I am impressed how well you have been dealing with your mom’s health issues. It is like you are a whole new person because you are so “together” and able to handle the enormous amount of stress right now. You know in your heart that food is not the answer. You are experiencing emotions instead of dulling them with food. You are being true to your desires and passions and are working very hard to make progress. You are such a great student with Coach Kath. You are diligent and conscientious, which is why you are so successful. You are so blessed to wake up every morning and see that beautiful smile, smiling back in the mirror. You are worth knowing, worth loving and worth admiring.
The deep realizations and humbling actions I’ve experienced are…
- I will be a work in progress for the remainder of my life
- I need to be more patient
- I am still hard on myself at times
- I want to be more than a wife and mom
- I have had a dependence on my trainer
This is Soul talking…
Wow. This is quite the journey for you. You have had your ups and downs whether that be on the scale, your mood or your sense of accomplishment. Throughout this process though, you keep putting forth a great effort. Some people would give up. I am impressed that you have not given up. You know in your heart that this is the right process for you and that you are in such a better place from when you began. I love it that every time you look in the mirror you see yourself as a beautiful woman. When you walk around town, you walk with confidence knowing that you are attractive, sexy and strong. You notice men and women who look at you and you know that it is a compliment and take it as such.
You have become a better person. You are more patient, you are kind, you are more thoughtful, you give out compliments frequently to other people, even strangers. You can accept compliments from people. You have almost stopped saying “I’m sorry” all the time. You are so much more approachable. You will achieve your goals. I know it with all my heart. You just have to be patient and keep putting yourself first so that you can show up in full colour for other people. I look so forward to your future and want you to enjoy every day now and forever.
“Chelsea” Age 43, Occupation/Title?, Single, No Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
You have used food as a way to dull feelings and as a protective mechanism. You have been treated as if you were invisible in your family as a child and being a large person in this society ensures you remain invisible as ironically, people treat large people as if they don’t exist and aren’t real. You have used food to stay in a safe place where you don’t have to feel your feelings or, in your mind, be desirable to men. You have been big for so long that you don’t even know how to identify with being anything other than this size so you self-sabotage to remain with the person you know – the large you. You carry a lot of shame and guilt from your childhood and when you overeat it brings up those feelings of shame and guilt all over again – a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have never given yourself permission to figure out who you are and your weight keeps you from exploring all parts of yourself. You were told over and over as a child that you were “less than” and keeping your weight high reinforces that message.
The last 3 months have been amazingly difficult and surprisingly easy. Both at the exact same time. The daily crying has not ceased but the awareness that I am walking through a tunnel of change is ever present in my mind, felt completely in my heart, body and soul. Every day I awake with new understandings and eyes open to viewpoints I would have refused to see before. The shift has been felt within every cell of my body. Fully and completely, I know this is what it feels like to grow, let go and create space for greatness. I have not understood everything I have experienced but I do know this much:
– I feel more gentle and understanding toward myself. This has translated into an immediate increase in compassion and understanding toward/of others.
– I am learning to let go and just be. This has translated into me letting go of expectations of others and giving them permission (in my mind and my actions toward them) to just be them. Just as I want to just be me.
– I have let go of some anxieties about the unknown and embraced the twists and turns that are inevitable experiences of living beings.
– I have felt more pure gratitude for small things, daily things, that I would have ignored in the past.
– I have opened myself up to accept love from those who are willing to give it.
– I have reduced my judgements and assumptions about others.
– I have learned grace and love for so many things I never saw before.
– I have become more aware, more there, more present and more alive in single moments that are either beautiful or not. Either way, I have been sincerely happy for mindfulness.
– I have had moments of self-love and self-care and have been so happy to feel how amazing it is when I support myself.
– I see the world slightly differently now with a lens of gratitude and happiness rather than despair and loneliness.
– And I am ready for more. This journey is inevitable for me and far from over. My greatness awaits the brush clearing!
This is Soul talking…
I am so proud of you. I love the effort you have put into this transition and the support and love you have given yourself. I am happy your negative self-talk has been reduced and you are getting glimpses of how wonderful you are just being you. I am proud of how you’ve made yourself the number one priority in your life. I am proud with your process and how you have worked through things to be honest with yourself and how you have stuck with the difficult times when you were walking out of your own darkness. I have always been here for you and I’m so happy you are seeing me daily and are believing in the messages I have been sending. I am proud you continue to give yourself the time, space and support you need to get through this transformation. I am so proud you are learning how to disconnect from the protection you’ve carried with you so far. All of that did an amazing job in keeping you safe. You needed that protection to make it through and I’m so glad your body could cover up your heart and keep you safe until you were willing to grow. And I am so proud of your growth! You are so beautiful and unique and you have amazing things to offer this world. Your experiences have collected in you to create such a unique person. Your calling will come and be known. And when it does you will shine so bright that you will be a healer to many. I am so proud that you have endured so much so that you could truly stand before others, with your heart open wide and really mean that you know how they feel. You have always been fierce and courageous. Even in times when most people would look the other way, you stood up for people, you stood against wrongs and even put yourself in harm’s way. Your soul and your inner strength could not be touched, could not be defeated. You were a rock in knowing when to speak and to say ‘No, this is not right’. And you had amazing courage to do so regardless of the consequences because you knew that suppressing the words of your soul would cause you more damage than what might happen if you spoke out. You have been like this since you were a young child and you are now regaining that strength and determination and knowing. That inner wisdom is waking. I am so proud of you for never giving up regardless of how hard things became. And I see you sharing your experiences and projecting so much love. It shines back at you because people love when you shine bright. You have that certain something that draws people in and I’m so proud you’re finding it again. I love you.
The last 3 months felt like I was walking through thick mud after being shot out of a cannon. As soon as I embraced truth and became brutally honest with myself, I just slowed right down and toyed with embracing truth vs. ignoring it and embracing business as usual. Thankfully, I did keep moving forward. Mostly because that initial shot out of the cannon was so significant that others around me noticed the shift and carried me forward when I needed a little extra boost. Facing real truth has opened up a new level of freedom I have never experienced before. It has enabled me a capacity to engage in situations with grace and tact and joy, where I had been previously stuck in fear, anger and anxiety. Truth has allowed me to be more grounded and self-aware in ways I have never experienced before. Truth, real truth, has exposed my behaviours as they have contributed to the breakdown of relationships and has shown me that when I am aware of my actions, I am much more in control of my life than being a victim ever gave me. I can recognize that I have only dabbled in truth up to this point. Where I had both eyes shut and was only using my outstretched arms and hands to make my way through this world, I now have one eye open. The longer I proceed, I know with certainty both eyes will open and accept what they see. At that point, my stumbling will be replaced with a steady, strong, purposeful walk – perhaps even a run – toward my bigger life.
This is Soul talking…
Do you see that? That little girl who was used as a vessel for other people’s pain, that little girl that believed every singe bad, nasty, mean thing that was ever said to her by others, and by her own voice, that little girl who had no choice but to build a strong, sturdy fortress around her heart so she could survive all that was constantly thrown her way…do you see her? Do you see how the light around her soul is getting brighter and the clouds above her heart are getting thinner and the purpose with which she gets through the day is getting stronger? Do you see her embrace her truth and despite how hard it was to hear and accept, do you see how she did embrace all of it? Do you see how that girl is you? Unshackling yourself from all those emotional ties that have been keeping you small and unnoticed? Do you see how your truth has set you free into a power you knew existed but were told outright it didn’t? Were told outright to accept mediocrity and a life unlived? Do you see how this new power has placed you in a state of awareness where it’s perfectly ok to be, just you as you are, alone or not, big or not, scared or not, happy or not. That regardless of whatever you happen to be, at any one moment, you accept it gladly with open arms and with open eyes and with an open heart. Do you see how the more you accept and face your truth, that others continue to respond to you, wanting to connect to your joy, revelling in all you bring? And most of all, do you see how, within that attention, you are no longer anxious to be there? No longer questioning your right to experience compliments from others or joy in giving pleasure to them. Do you see how you have not offered them anything except yourself and how that has been all they wanted and needed? Do you see how you now enjoy your company so much that you are allowing others to enjoy it too? And the difference now being, that you are beginning to slowly see that you never were that inconvenient and unwanted soul, but rather all along you were and are a true and pure gift to the world. Do you see these changes? Yes, I know you do.
The past 3 months have been a state of introspection and noticing for me. No resistance, no struggling, just a watching and a collecting of information. Not ‘aha’ moments, but more like ‘huh, ok’ moments. These months have been personally and professionally challenging as I have navigated through choices I made that brought me to work and responsibility overload – the exact moment when I normally give in and relapse into easy, comforting behaviours. Not saying those moments didn’t happen for me at all, because they did, but they happened under my watchful eye rather than behind my turned back, closed eyes and plugged ears. And those moments were short-lived. And those moments were without judgement and insult and reproach. And lately, there has been another turn toward information gathering vs. denial and temper tantrums. I have been curious as to the effects of food from a purely chemical process and how it affects my health, compared to how I used to be which was to completely ignore (by choice) that an outcome would be on my body if I consumed something. I have felt I have gone from standing on a ledge and being afraid to leap, to determining what options exist as part of that leap: Should I construct a ladder and scale my way down? Should I sit on the ledge and get my bearings so I can focus on what’s below rather than just assume it’s an abyss a million feet down? Can I just sit and think about what alternatives there are to help me move forward? Can I look at it from a different perspective and think – maybe it’s not an all or nothing venture but rather more about just losing the fear of moving forward and getting to a place where my mind wants to figure out a way to move forward regardless of what that entails or how it looks and in whatever form it takes. In other words, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, it can be incremental and still lead me to the same place.
This is Soul talking…
Well my dear, look at you go. The energy radiating from you lately has been immeasurable. You have done so much work; hard, targeted, specific work on topics that were holding you down. But you were absolutely unable to accept that your life would be mediocre. You were completely determined to keep going until you had broken your own spell. Congratulations, you have managed to take a big step toward letting go of the shame and fear that has been debilitating us for just far too long. And I see the shift, I see the shift in how you engage and are engaged with – once you accepted that your mistakes did not define you, once you owned them and just flat out said – yep, they are there and that’s never going to change – you had the space to say – I’m just done with running from them or hiding from them or letting them control me. I am done. And you noticed the change, it was impossible not to. That part of you that had been locked in a small, dark cold place for decades found a way to break free, found a way to step toward greatness. I know you’re not completely there, I know you still have a lot of work to do – that will never change – you will always be a work in progress but I know you will never give up on yourself. You have never given up on yourself – the exact reason you are here today – you were drawn to that bigness and you have taken the proper steps to continue moving toward it, to fulfill your destiny to be inspirational. There are times when I see you giggling for absolutely no reason – just bursting with gratitude and self-love – and I can see how proud you are of your accomplishments. You will never forget how far you’ve come. You will never forget what the darkness feels like. And because of that, when you feel the light and love of me, your soul, shining through, it is the most amazing sense of joy you have ever experienced – to a degree that you can hardly even describe how incredible it is. And when you can maintain that more and more, you won’t wait for doors to open for you – you’ll rip them open with gusto and determination knowing that you are fully in the moment, fully experiencing life to the fullest, fully sharing your gifts and talents, fully living in a space where fear no longer runs your life and fully living in a place where you will be able to handle anything you come across, even if that ‘anything’ is terrible tragedy or overwhelming joy!
Well, wasn’t that interesting? Bet you weren’t quite expecting that to happen were you? To have come so far from that pit of sadness you were really getting quite comfortable in! But you did make that immense journey and you really kicked ass! Is it a miracle that you have done things and made choices about situations that seemed incredibly and completely impossible only a year ago? No – not a miracle, just the outcome of choosing to do something different, choosing to take a path you have not walked before, choosing truth, choosing freedom. It has been a long year, sometimes you were struggling your way through and near the end you were a little too exhausted after years of emotional battling to put as much into it as you could have, waiting a bit for this to end so you could take another, different step. I was wondering if your desire to finish was just an excuse to not actually do anything else and just go comfortably into the night of old patterns and old choices. But you’ve had some very interesting lessons crop up recently that were beautifully placed and designed to test how much you’ve actually grown and evolved and I’m pretty damn proud to say you passed with flying colours – so much so you even impressed your ego a bit – the part of you that has been waiting patiently on the sidelines to come back to centre stage where it has spent most of its time, most of your life. And you passed these lessons because you really have established your worth, you really have evolved, you really do live within a different energy spectrum than you did before and the same old ways of being and making decisions no longer fill a need, no longer have oxygen for full survival. That’s wonderful my friend! And I realized the other day that your desire to clean everything off your responsibility plate is your way of creating space, finally, for you, just you. Have you noticed how you haven’t rushed head on into following your dream just yet? It’s because you know how much you need to make the ‘You’ project a reality with enough time and space to give it justice and be effective and ultimately, be inspiring. You know that if you want to have enough in you to engage in the giving you want to do, you really, finally, for the first time in your entire life, need to learn what it feels like to make yourself a priority. Period. So your next role/project/task/etc. is You my dear. Enjoy every minute of it!
This is Soul talking…
You have always been a person, even as a little girl, that connected with the world in ways others did not. Your level of awareness, your desire to give, your natural compassion and understanding of others, your calling to connect – you are such a force. You have managed to walk across the burning embers of life, slowly feeling the sharpness and pain of every hot point, deliberately taking in that experience longer than others so you would know the real difference between pleasure and pain, having and not having. And as you walked and experienced it all, you kept moving forward, always open to understanding that the deepness of your experiences and your connection to truth could be used as part of your contribution to the world. So that when you speak to others and share with them what you have endured, they can see with crystal clarity how much you get what they are also going through. It brings an authenticity to your message and adds a layer of beauty to the raw vulnerability you’re willing to share. You are a fighter. From the moment you were born with that broken heart, you never gave up your search for truth, regardless of how dark it got or how many obstacles ended up in your way. It is your journey that you’ll share with your heart and your compassion. And all these elements from you will act as a beacon for someone who is searching to be understood and who is searching for that moment that will also turn them around and find their soul’s purpose.
“Brenda” Age 33, Lawyer, Married, No Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
Sometimes the struggle is more difficult, and right now is a tough time for you. You need to get this figured out while you have the time and the energy to attack the problem head-on. This month was supposed to be dedicated to just taking care of yourself, getting all of those diet, beauty regimen, and exercise routines going again. You haven’t appreciated this gift that you gave yourself. Watching tv and taking the dog on walks is not the highest and best use of this time. I know it’s probably good to relax a little bit, but you’re being lazy.
How is it already October and you haven’t lost this weight yet? You hardly ate anything when you were away, and you’ve been watching what you eat here in the new house. There was a period of time in between that was a little indulgent when you and hubby were driving from home to the city and showing him around town. But overall, it’s really difficult for me to understand why the scale isn’t budging. Pants feel a bit better, but I still feel like I’m about to bust out of every shirt that I own. It’s a terrible feeling. But for some reason it isn’t terrible enough to make me go jog.
Tonight I hung my favorite suits in the closet, the ones I used to wear when I was 135 and even as high as 150. I miss wearing them and feeling confident in my appearance. I’m really sad that I can’t pull one out right now and try it on for fun and look forward to wearing it on my first day of work. That was all in the grand plan. I was supposed to start dieting months ago… and I did, except when I didn’t.
I wonder if I measured the insides of those clothes and myself and focused on those differentials, rather than weight, if that would help me get back to where I was. Weight is too nebulous and frustrating for me anymore.
In some ways I’m looking forward to being so busy at my job that I forget to eat. It would be nice to have some relief from the constant nagging of “hunger”–real or imagined. Right now I’m sitting at the house much of the day thinking about all the delicious things there are to go eat in the city. I kept my pantry pretty sparse and stocked only with “acceptable” foods- chicken, fish, veggies, and fruit. I’ve been able to live off of this ok, but I don’t derive much pleasure from eating this way. It feels like punishment. My body often feels like punishment to me. But there are so many worse situations I could be in, it feels really petty and odd to complain this way about a problem that is totally within my power.
Other times I feel as though it is not within my power, and I think those are the times that I give up. It’s like I bounce back and forth between denial and then self-flagellation for the denial’s consequences. It would be really nice to get out of this cycle and just feel normal for once.
It also bothers me that this aspect of my personality/behavior is so much like my mother. I don’t know if she taught it to me or what, but it’s an extra layer of self-loathing when I hear her catchphrases on weight struggles come out of my mouth.
But then when I did try to get out of this cycle by focusing on treating my depression and just trying to be happier generally, 30 more pounds came on, SO FAST. Why?! I deliberately tried to forget the struggle and just enjoy life, but it appears that was yet another failed strategy. I think this strategy’s similarities are why I am particularly afraid of the “joy” approach I’ve discussed with Coach Kath.
Ok, writing this on the first day of my period was probably a bad idea. I am much more emotional that I usually am. Actually, that’s a lie, nothing makes me feel as bad as this.
I’ve realized that I can’t scold/hate myself thin. I used to chime right in when I heard other girls abusing themselves for eating or not exercising, but now it’s just jarring to me. I enjoy drinking water now and don’t think I will ever go back to a place where I think it’s ok to not drink even though I am thirsty. It was interesting to get to the bottom of some of my beliefs about drinking water and how fixing that issue was much easier than forcing myself to drink.. I’ve started walking more because I recognize the benefits besides weight loss. When I had a traumatic experience at work, there was no question that walking home was the best course of action. I talked to hubby along the way, and he helped me calm down and feel better. I also talked to a few other friends about the situation because it was all I could think about. I might have just stayed home and wallowed, but I recognize now that is a choice that doesn’t serve me well. I was actually pretty impressed with my ability to get over the event and regain perspective in a short period of time. I think I have been building some emotional capacity that wasn’t there before. I have noticed some subtle changes in my food/drink intake. I am focusing more on vegetables at lunch, cutting out wine at home, ordering virtually no takeout (I think this was a bad habit I picked up from hubby). And the really great thing about these changes is that they are coming from a place of choice, not control. I see that the paradigm shift is something that really works for me. It takes some practice and self-talk, but I am able to get there eventually. I am still impatient to lose weight, but I am not desperate in the way that I once was.
This is Soul talking…
I am proud of you for taking responsibility for your personal development and choices. It is not easy to make the time, but I am glad you recognize that this is the right time. I am also pleased that you’ve stopped being so hard on yourself. Let your husband keep showing you that life does not have to be perfect. He is a wonderful teacher for you. You have done a good job managing your work stress. You might have gotten a little overconfident and rushed: you know when things are moving too fast. Trust your instinct and don’t let others push you beyond your comfort zone. Keep bringing music into your life. You’ve missed it so much. I can’t wait for you to start playing the piano again. One thing that is missing right now is connection to your family. I know it’s hard, but you need to reach out to them more often.
So many of my big life choices have been driven by fear and worry about what other people will think. It’s time for me to start doing the things that my heart is prompting me to do instead. I have a deep-seated impatience right now for paying off my debt and figuring out my plan for getting back home and into a job I love, but I am battling with the anxiety about the doors I will be closing, resulting in some paralysis and, even worse, sabotaging behaviors. I HATE waiting for things. I want to work really hard and see immediate results, but I think I am to the point in life where most of the things that are worth doing are not instantly gratifying. Adopting a more patient and flexible mindset are my biggest challenges right now because I’ve found the end of the “control” road. It took me a long way, but there are some things I don’t like about where I’ve ended up.
This is Soul talking…
It is a little scary to get this far along in your life and realize that a lot of the tools and coping mechanisms that you’ve been practicing for so long are not going to be what carries you through the rest of your life. They can be if I chose them, but this process has been unearthing and challenging beliefs that I had previously thought were positive. Perhaps those were the most insidious of all, the beliefs that disguise themselves as good for you when they are really eating away at your self esteem, making you feel “less than.” Adopting and adjusting beliefs feels a little strange, but even being open to doing so is a big shift.
I did a lot of deliberating about whether I was ready to face the deep truth about where I currently am with my weight issue. It took several confrontations in order for the truth to sink in. I learned that my current body is not the result of some cruel genetic lottery so much as it is the product of small choices I make every day. These choices result from beliefs that I must continue to examine and re-evaluate. Some of these beliefs fit my current lifestyle and may not result in choices as much as coping mechanisms. Work may have to change to make room for taking better care of myself.
This is Soul talking…
You are starting to wake up to some of the truths you have known all along but have been unwilling to accept. Now that you are seeing things for what they really are (i.e. what values your choices actually reflect and where they will get you eventually), you can change the trajectory. But the more important lesson you’ve learned is that a weight issue doesn’t have to create struggle and that you have the ability to move things in the right direction, even if there are some detours along the way. Don’t forget to be vulnerable as you start implementing weight loss strategies. Sometimes you have to be honest with someone else in order to be honest with yourself.
That the impact I am meant to have on the world has been limited because I didn’t trust my own wisdom. Going forward, I am tapping into my unique talents and gifts to further the causes I believe in. Life is bigger than what other people think. I need to keep asking the question: “What do you really want?” I also know that I am very lucky to have found such a wonderful partner that I learn from everyday. I accept that I am constantly evolving, and that nirvana is being present for all of it.
This is Soul talking…
I am proud of you for taking responsibility for your life, a scary but very rewarding thing. You’ve been financially independent for a long time, but this is different. You choose how you react to everything, including things outside your control. Lots of hard choices lie ahead, but always appreciate the fact that they are yours to make.
“Michelle” Age 39, Occupation/Title?, Married, 2 Teenage Children
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
I believe that I have struggled with weight on the surface as a reflection of conflicts on the inside. I may not have known how to get what I needed (or may not have even known, what I wanted or needed) to be with/ at my authentic self.
I always conformed to expectations and society while I continued to numb and mask my desires and aspitations. Ofcourse, I believe that this was on a subconcious level…..on a concious level I lived life without awareness…..
Focusing on what I want feels new and intimadating. I feel this fear makes me feel anxoius. To feel comfortable, I turn to food…..Food is my “companion”. Especially comfort, and sweet foods. Food has been used and misused as a source of love, companionship, encouragement and support. It has been used as a distraction, often when I feel the task is just too large or unachieveable I would rather distract myself and set the task aside…..I fear failure, and shame from failing…….I would rather let and continously do let anxiety and fear prevail.
In a way, I also have used food as a rebellion. I want to rebel against systems, expectations and authority in my life. So in a way, I eat what I shouldnt be to feel that I am empowered to make the choices (by putting what I want in my mouth)!
On another level, food is a source of pleasure….when not accompanied by guilt or judgement it can provide satisfaction and joy.
One obseration on the literal and physical aspect of food is that having the “dieting” mentality doesn’t work. As a on and off process it has never worked…..it has turned into a cycle of recurring events, guilt and punishments…..In depressive deeper moments in the past, I have used food to drown sadness, and despair. I also used it as a punishement, since I was not achieving what I valued. I used it to “abandon” all responisbility and run away from my life. Since I was not achieveing what I valued I might as well give up and continue the up and down roller coaster.
However, I feel I no longer am doing this. Now I would like to continue to foster a healty relationship with food. I would like to see it as a positive, as fuel for my my body….as energy, nutirents, vitamins etc building blocks for the physical body…..to fulfill this purpose of nourshing the body as opposed to being my “enemy”.
In my past exerience, I have noticed that at times when I have been happy at my place in life, or in a general happy state…food has not had a strong hold on me….I would like to continue on this journey to de-ttach myself from food (or the associations I have felt with it)……I no longer binge on food, and have stopped cycles of binging and throwing up…which I am very proud off.
I need to continue to move in this direction of having a healty relationship with food and being in control of my reaction as opposed to giving in to tempting situations…..
As of my present self, I am also proud of the fact (have travelled far enough in my journey) to not feel guilt, shame and anger after eating “wrong” foods. Or for that matter, I no longer label or view the food as an “enemy”.
I would like to continue to accept ups and downs in life, to prevent overwhelming disappointment and then complete abandonement of my efforts. (Maybe too sensitive? ) (give up too early?)
I am extremely excited to move out of this stunted growth behaviour, which is not serving any purpose or benefit to me.
My dear self, I know I can do it. Now is the time…..I am at the right place at the right time….my life is unfolding just as it was meant to….I will put in the work and God will grant me the success…Ameen.
Shifts in communication…..
this is a major one with me….Especially in relationships
but this may be becuase I’m feeling a shift in how I feel about myself…. I’m not the victim anymore..I don’t feel sorry for myself..
I have to look at my role and responsibility in every situation, take ownership and then address it from there.
I’m feeling shift in my attituede and thoughts, about what I do and what I achieve…
I don’t feel like…I don’t do anything, I’m miserable, I haven’t achieved anything…. more and more I feel like telling myself
“I’m doing plenty, I’m doing more and more, with practise my capacity is increasing…it’s all progress”
Another major change/ Shift I’ve started expereincing is dealing with discomfort and fear…. the more I learn to be with discomfort the longer I can practise it the more I can increase my capactiy…and become better at it…the impact of the discomfort and the discomfort is reducing with this practise.
On the food front, there have been some shifts…
I have shifted from wanting to sabatoge and punish myself to wanting to nourish and provide nutrients and energy for my body
however more practise is needed for me to become better at this…
This is Soul talking…
My soul is saying the following in response to reading my previous entries:
“I’m doing plenty, I’m doing more and more, with practise my capacity is increasing…it’s all progress”
Looking at the conclusion page, my soul is saying
“well done!”
you completed the awareness module!
I passed my driving test!
things may not be done to perfection, but they can can certainly be brought to a point of completion!
One of the biggest insights I have experienced is to be able to identify “ego” in the interaction of communication, dispute, discussion, argument etc. After identifying “ego” in the act, of being just that the “ego” and not a part of right or wrong, power and weakness, you or I, loosing or winning… It is after this identification in the midst of all these scenarios that the ego may show up; that I have the opportunity to practice and make significant choices. The most powerful of significant choices, is when I can set myself aside… when I can demonstrate grace and dignity without feeling like I’ve lost a battle…and handle the stance of someone’s ego in motion, from the depth of soul.
One example for me would be, if I were not to take criticism personally I would be able to approach some things with a light heartedness and a sense of humour.
Another big insight has been the identification of my “elephant”. Greatness, is my elephant. In my depth and inner core the things I want to do and achieve are just that GREAT. If I would manifest everything I thought of without coming in my own way, without excuses there is no doubt. My significant choice here, is to strengthen the name and label of this element and identify it as a very integral part of me. Personally, for me I think I’m working on being comfortable with that. When I let my self-doubt come into play, I wonder how I can manifest such GREATNESS? This is where, I would like to love it, nurture it, let it grow until it gets stronger and stronger.
Finding out that my office is my surrogate, has been a huge insight! It has given me power to access my internal state of mind, and calmness or chaos within. I know how to be proactive in this department, and some things I can bring into action to help get more aligned and in flow.
Another significant choice I have experienced in the truth module, is just being able to treat myself. Off separating reward, or indulgences with accomplishments. For eg. Have a bath, watch a movie, treat yourself, make the time and make an appointment with yourself.
This is Soul talking…
I have observed you become more confident and comfortable within yourself. I have seen you put in a lot of inner work, for your betterment and personal empowerment. I have seen you become better at putting boundaries in relationships. I have seen you struggle with priorities and amount of things to do, but I also see that you are improving in this aspect. There are times when you struggle, but it isn’t the overwhelming depressing state that you could be lost in before. Keep working on this aspect, as you are already practicing techniques to help you. (I feel like I am visiting a psychic J )
I feel it’s very beneficial to have shed a lot of self-judgment as you have. Well done!
I’m so proud of you! You have done a superb job. You have been able to learn new skills especially driving. You have enabled yourself so much liberty and independence. I’m so excited for you to avail all the opportunities that you have around and surrounding you. I’m so excited for you that you are actively working on the cookbook and are getting ready to share it with the world. The most thrilling aspect with the publication of the cookbook is my perception and intent. What I am thrilled and grateful for is that my intent is now back on track. It is a project, a compilation to share with people what I have learned over the years.
Goal: to share recipes so that people can cook with them
Success: getting printed copies out, to enable my goal
So with that in mind, Success is publishing the cookbook one volume at a time. It’s just about completing it, and getting it out there. There will always be time for more versions if needed.
“Sandra” Age 69, Retired Nurse Manager, Married, 1 Adult Child
Here’s what I’ve noticed about your struggle with your weight…
You have used food to relieve stress, anger, excitement and fatigue since early childhood. You also enjoy food, and wine because they taste so good. You enjoy cooking.
You always told yourself that it was ok to be overweight as long as it didn’t affect your health. You believed that when it did you would certainly act to rectify the situation. You have tried many diets and even gastric lap banding which did bring you down from 308 lbs to 232 lbs. You retired to take care of yourself in 2009 but ended up taking care of Bob until February of 2010. Since his death you have continually gained weight.
You do not do that well in groups. You do not actively participate in online discussions. In your personal life you do not like having to meet others expectations as far as weight loss is concerned. You do not like being told what or how to do something.
Just when others start to comment on your success in losing weight you self-sabotage because of resentment and anger issues, fear of failure and all or nothing thinking. Your mother at times refused to give her opinion on things because she told you that “if I suggest one thing you will turn around and do the exact opposite”. “You are your own worst enemy she said” Your husband Norman agrees and says when I am down—“What are you beating yourself up this time for or are you having an I hate Shirley day.” Your mother always told you that you were a quitter and that you can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. So why bother trying?
Since Bob’s death it has been harder and harder for you to muster up a concerted effort in the battle of the bulge. The weight gain has made exercising
The time has never been better for you to take action or unfortunately you will suffer the consequences of your inaction such as increasing pain and co-morbidities, decreasing functionality, undesirable lifestyle changes, decreased quality of life, and social isolation. Wishing you every success in this new and exciting endeavour.
I am beginning to believe:
I am a Soul in a body. My Soul is my Authentic Self. This is who I am. My Ego is not me.
I was born deserving and as such I do not constantly have to earn my way to Heaven.
I am not a loser, I am not helpless or hopeless.
In Thoughts:
I seek to go from a place of Choice rather than to keep trying to Control
My Ego’s comments are less blatent, less harsh. When I hear them strt up now I tell my Ego to stop and ask Soul for its input.
I am beginning to listen and hear my Soul’s voice which is positive, encouraging, comforting and loving.
I use slogans or mantras and positive self talk to help keep me grounded, focused, aligned, congruent. I ask myself questionsnto give myself more clarity.
I think of how I will feel about the consequences of my actions and ask myself if it is worth it to make a choice which is not in alignment with my goals and objectives
In Actions:
I listen to my body for what choices I should make regarding what I need to eat and drink. I am now able to drink up to a litre of lime flavoured water daily.
I used to drink wine/alcohol starting with lunch and ending with dinner almost daily. Now I rarely consume wine/alcohol . Norman has also followed my suit and has quit drinking beer – previously a daily occurrence.
I used to love Miss Vickies with Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar and now I don’t remember the last time I ate them, and I don’ t crave them.
I use the treadmill 20 minutes at 1.7 mph 2-3 times per week.
My sleeping has increased by about 1 hour per night not in a bed as it does increase my pain after getting up
I am capable of rising to handle serious, challenging and emotionally charged situations I would not have been able to do in the past. I had great difficulty in the recent past returning a fat monitor to Shoppers.
Norman and I now communicate freely and eat meals together in the dining room. He now spends much less time alone in the man cave.
I have moved from wanting glamour in my life to wanting richness in my life—eating in the dining room, dressing the table up; drinking my water from a crystal wine glass.
I have Norman and my s-i-l Bear who I can confide in and discuss my journey through CWL and get honest feedback. They both get me.
I have experienced Flow and find it to be an exhilarating, decisive, powerful and productive state.
I go about removing clutter from my life/
My Self Integrity is increasing and my Personal Intention which revolved around people pleasing is decreasing. I no longer feeling I have to prove my worthiness or justify my existence. Giving and Receiving is an exchange of energy. I try to accept gifts with grace be they compliments, acts of kindness, or something of monitory value. I don’t need to reciprocate but I should pass it forward to others.
This is Soul talking…
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This is Soul talking…
This is your soul talking. I have been with you through all eternity. I have been with you through this lifetime and have witnessed your joys and your sorrows. I have known this frightened child that is now your Ego and I understand the roots of your fears, and obsessions and rebellions and need to be loved by those around you. You have listened actively to your Ego’s constant chatter not even being aware of what this voice really was. Over the last several months you have begun to reach out to me and have begun to trust the process of Intention. You realize that this is the route you must take to your Bigger Life. I am always here for you and ready to provide you with love and solace and energy and inspiration. I am your greatest support and am always available when you reach out to me. I love you and am proud of each new step you take forward toward your new way of being and your Bigger Life. Together we will reach each goal we set and experience a more powerful, less fearful, more balanced and more joyful way of being along the way. We will grow your child up and it will allow you to take the lead and it will be content and trust in your ability to handle life.
Nothing short of life-saving and life altering. Before this module “Deep Truth” I could not understand how a person who felt so unworthy could possibly need to be more humble. After all how low must I go? I did not see being humble as anything to be particularly proud of or a goal to be striving towards. After all I had enough more serious issues to be conquered. I needed to take control, take the bull by the horns, start a diet, be more assertive, get rid of this pain, get rid of this fear and desperation–have another glass of wine or maybe even the whole bottle. There was no winning in my life. My Ego saw to that. It ruled the Realm of Shirley. It called the shots and I danced to its tune. I was resistant to taking action. I refused to fully participate. My beloved journaling dropped off to nil at times during this module. I dropped my coaching sessions down to every 2 weeks in an attempt to slow the process down. In July I decided I needed a 3 month break from this search for deep truth and to go off and try losing weight on my own. Kathrine was very blunt and asked me if I had ever been successful in losing weight and then keeping it off. We both knew I never had. Then Kathrine dropped down to my level of plain speaking, she told me that I was “Bullshitting” myself and I knew she was right. Her words had hit home. The next week was to be my last week. I had gone through an MRI, a Bone Scan and a Gallium Scan as my heel had reopened and the Dr. wanted to rule out a bone infection. I went for the results of all these tests and I did not have a bone infection. The Dr. spoke candidly and told me if I lost 60 pounds I would be much healthier and my heel would likely improve and stay healed. I had noticed I had no pain when I was confined to a wheelchair which confirmed what he was saying. I became very distressed and anxious and felt I had to lose 100 lbs like yesterday. I was verging on panic, I wrote a note about it all to Kathrine praying she would be able to keep me as a client. I knew I stood no chance without her. I cried “Uncle” –I give up, I was on my knees, I was beaten down and I knew Humility and I Surrendered. Kathrine took me on a visit to my future-self and Soul stepped in and gave me a tool and hope. I learned that I mustn’t look back. Each day I was to get up grabbing Soul’s hand in mine and move forward step by step. This tool as I call it has kept me alcohol-free since that time. I live in a state of clarity now. When my Ego starts to raise its voice I grab Soul’s hand and refocus my attention ahead of me—to the future I am creating. I do my best to avoid catastrophizing which is one of my avenues to my Meta-Pattern and self-sabotage. I am no longer down and depressed. I even feel joy at times. I make plans for my future and with Soul I move toward new goals. I have learned about who I am and what I most desire from others which is unconditional love. In order to receive Unconditional love I must give It away to others and not judge others or myself. My Perfectionism and Competency issues allowed me to pronounce judgment on all I met. I saw everyone through this narrow lens. I have learned to communicate better with Norman and have involved him in my plans and goals and we are much happier and content in our relationship. It feels as if we are on the same page now. I no longer fear being abandoned in a nursing home. I am becoming more functional and am losing weight which is improving my health and independence. My surrender has given me a freedom I have rarely known and my heart feels full of love and passion and anticipation. Because of this we renamed my Elephant Freedom. I have busted out of that small unhappy fearful pain-filled box that was my life and I on the path to my Bigger Life along with the other Soul’s who journey here on Earth with me. We are here to help, model, mentor and learn from each other. We are all part of the Greater Beyond, we are One with it, in it, and through it. I see the horizon ahead of me and move toward it one step at a time.
This is Soul talking…
I have known and loved you unconditionally since time began. I have lovingly watched you struggle and fall down countless times. I have been with you through Joys and Sorrows, through Triumphs and Failures. It is only in the last few months however that you have come to know me. I feel such joy in our newly formed relationship. I feel your growth, your love, your passion on so many fronts and am relieved that your Ego has found solace in our relationship. I feel privileged to be able to mentor you, and to be with you as you step into your future with courage and determination. You are out of your box and experience the present with me leaving past pain and failures behind. Together we can be fearless, we can be triumphant, we can fulfill Eternity’s plan for you. We have bonded, we share a Oneness. I am so very proud of you and all the changes you have made. I am now accessible to you at all times because you no longer rely on alcohol. You live in Clarity today. We can accomplish so much more. I look forward to our future together.
There were many lessons I have had to learn mostly the hard way. My Ego ruled my life and led me into a tumultuous existence of negativity, fear-based thinking and anxiety, self-contempt and loathing, denial, and defiance. I became perfectionistic, workaholic, taking care of those around me to prove my worthiness to one and all and mostly to prevent eternal damnation from God up above—the God of my childhood. To cope I used overeating from an early age and later on I used alcohol and caffeine to get me through my days and nights. But I still did not feel worthiness or self-love which I truly believed was a completely selfish concept. Enter Kathrine, my coach who saw my resistant and defiant nature as a challenge—a former version of herself. I have painstakingly now come to the completion of her fourth and final module. The road has been rocky but the journey has been exhilarating. At present, my eating is controlled and I no longer consume alcohol or caffeine.
Through all the negative, nagging, harassing chatter that my Ego bombarded me with, I have learned to listen to the small, loving encouraging voice of my inner Spiritual Light which I choose to call Soul. With Soul I have become my Authentic Self. Through the insights it provides to me I have learned to love and care for myself because as Kathrine would say—“Shirley, you were born Worthy”. When you truly own this concept you no longer feel the need to abuse yourself with food, alcohol, overwork, perfectionism and self-neglect. I was able to see myself and the toll my past lifestyle had taken on my body and sense of self. I felt love and sympathy for the person I had become. I no longer felt the need to judge myself or others—that was a true relief.
I was Humbled, brought to my knees that I had done this to myself. It was not easy to accept but I knew I had to change. My Ego kept trying to resist any change. Enticing me to relax, have a glass of wine, perhaps a little appetizer it’s not your fault. You’ve been through a lot—you deserve a break. Then the next day condemning me for gaining weight. In the past I never really understood the true value of Humility. Being humble was for people who could never quite measure up—They had reason to be humble. But humble, as a goal to aspire to, was a concept lost on me in my Ego-driven life. But gradually, as I received one physical Illness/loss after another and lost my independence, I slowly began to see the Light. The whole package of my beliefs and understanding began to come together. Each new addition validated the one before. We are all a part of the same Spiritual Source. It lives and dwells in all of us. When we leave this Earth that is all we are and we all return to this Source. Basically we are all equal. There are no pockets in our shrouds nor can we depart with any earthly trappings. We are what we are Children of the Divine Source of Light and Love—equal. I remind myself of this often to reinforce my humility.
When I was literally brought to my knees, and rejected for knee replacement I felt very humble indeed and rejected. I realized that I had reached my bottom. The most important thing I did was I gave up the Struggle. I Surrendered. Surprisingly a terrific sense of freedom swept over me. I was no longer in the Driver’s seat at my Ego’s direction. I now walk my journey with Soul, from whom I only get love and encouragement. I meditate, put out my Intentions to our Source of Spiritual Light and Love along with a myriad of others doing the same. I feel at Peace—Serenity.
But I am human and at times I do drift into Non-Alignment and Incongruency. I do at times feel sorry for myself or become irritable. It is then that I remind myself of all the many Blessing I have received in this life and I feel a deep and abiding sense of Gratitude to the Spiritual Well-Spring from which I derive all things.
I am blessed to have lived to be 68years old. Ageing has given me the time that I needed to find my true and authentic self—and that is truly a gift that most people who have journeyed here on Earth do not get. I can look down on my life’s journey now dispassionately. All is as it should be—all is well. I feel immense gratitude to the many lives who have intersected with mine and who have mentored me and shared their wisdom. Looking back I can see that I have grown in wisdom and resolve and found my true path that I was meant follow. I have found the Spiritual Light inside me that is ubiquitous and indeed inside us all. This is what makes us all one, from the same Creator/Spiritual Source. That Spiritual Source is a form of Energy, Light and Love. It is a sacred gift within us all that we can let wither and die or cherish and fan the flame filling us with love and light overflowing onto others who journey with us along the way. So we to can be of service and mentor to others. This is the Golden Nugget that I have gleaned and treasure in this lifetime that I have been given. I am especially grateful to my coach and mentor Kathrine Brown who shared her wisdom with patience and love.
This is Soul talking…
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