You were born deserving
Ask for and receive what you want
Your natural state is joy

There you go… three paradigm-shifting foundational blocks for personal growth… often met with resistance when I first introduce them to new clients. What is a paradigm shift? In short, it means “none of the previous rules apply” so it’s bound to stir up your belief system. With that in mind, let’s explore each of these statements.

You were born deserving

My first coach (a shout out to you, Steve) taught me something that still resonates with me today — that I’m not here to continually prove my value to others. Like many people, I got caught up in the unrelenting pressure of trying to EARN my way through life — that if I was “good”, I would be accepted as “good” by others and only then would I allow “good” things into my life.

But consider the value bestowed on a newborn, a human being valued just for showing up in the world! The point is, we never lose this innate deservedness but we do lose our connection with it. Through the psychological bumps and bruises of childhood and into adulthood, we mistakenly come to believe that our value rests in what we do, not in who we are. The deeper truth of this earning mindset is that we can never do enough.

Deservedness is FELT not earned, so if you’re not feeling it, you’re simply disconnected from it. In later ezine issues, I’ll explain how to restore this connection but for now, see if you can warm up to this new paradigm and notice if it begins to shift your behaviours now that you’re not feeling such pressure to measure up all the time.

Ask for and receive what you want

To fully understand this statement, it helps to break it down:

  •  “Asking for” requires first “letting go”. You cannot grasp something new with one hand while still clinging to the old with your other hand. You experienced this principle when growing from a child to an adult. You recognized when you had outgrown your old things and let these go to move forward. As an adult, however, it’s less clear when it’s time to let go of old, unserving beliefs and behaviours. Letting go is often perceived as a loss. But letting go is actually our conscious portion of initiating change. Our life will naturally contract, and then expand beyond what we imagined, if we’re willing to let everything unfold.
  •  How comfortable are you with receiving a compliment? This is a great litmus test to see how well you can receive everything the universe has to offer you. If your capacity to receive rests in how “good” you’ve been — which means you’re rejecting your innate deservedness — you will always limit what you ask for and what you allow into your life. Furthermore, if your capacity to receive depends on reciprocity — which means you can only receive as much as you have given — you will never know the full scale of the universe in your life. The skill of receiving is how you prepare yourself for the universe’s abundance.
  •  You can only move toward a vision not a void. If you’re identified with struggle, you likely have a laundry list of things you DON’T want in your life. Problem is, even if you manage to tick some of these things off your list, you’ll be left with a void and struggle will dutifully expand to fill this void. Getting clear on what you REALLY want aligns you with joy. It creates a compelling, focusing vision for your life that “holds the space” for change.

Your natural state is joy

Not to be confused with your normal state of struggle! Interestingly, many people cite a deservedness issue when they don’t allow themselves to be or stay in joy, but I’m convinced this is a surface explanation. Look deeper and you discover that we all unconsciously regulate ourselves to stay within a narrow but familiar (think: safe) range of feelings.

Joy is the most enjoyable and powerful state there is but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. What people are backing off from is that elated high (think: loss of control) they feel when first approaching this state but I call this the gateway. Once you pass through this gateway, what’s waiting for you is a serene energy and the exquisite richness of each moment… your natural state of joy.